i have faded in the dark
by snickers-03
Summary: Morty's grown apathetic waiting for something that may never happen. He simply didn't have it in him anymore. He'd seen too much, felt too much pain and hurt.


I just wanted to write some angst because we all know season 3 is about to start up and of course Rick is gonna be back. And I know, I know, so many others have already written Morty dealing with being alone but here's my take anyway. Hopefully it's not too introspective.

...

Well, I have faded in the dark  
So don't you ever kiss me  
Don't you wish on me  
Why can't you see that no one's gonna save us?

-Stars by Fun.

...

Frozen toes and an insatiable need to just veg out and relax in front of the TV brought Morty to the Smith family living room on this cold December day.

He was alone, of course like always, and happy to have the house to himself. He didn't need anyone. He just needed to be alone.

He snuggled beneath the winter themed blanket that he'd been given as a present at school, read: prison, and began flipping channels on the TV.

Life had become rather hectic over the last several months. If he had anymore energy left in him to care, he might have considered doing something about it. Faced with alien tyrants at his school, slaving away all day with his assigned work to do whatever bidding they felt they needed help with, Morty was quickly becoming skilled at apathy.

There wasn't much to do about it, after all. If it was at school, it was at home or literally everywhere in town and/or the world itself. As he walked home each day, he was guaranteed to be interrupted by guards posted at various street corners who loved to interrogate him on just where he was going and what he planned on doing when he got there. It was ludicrous because of course they knew who he was and that he'd cause them no trouble. He supposed it gave them their jollies though and again, why should he care that much?

Reaching out for his glass of water on the side table, Morty didn't tear his eyes away from the colorful display of alien antics on the screen. Since their invasion, sorry: expansion of government, they'd been gifted additional tv stations and channels that beamed in from far away places in space. He supposed that could be counted as one benefit of being ruled by overlords.

The sun was going down and Morty, having slept nearly all day, was sure he'd probably be up all night too. His mind briefly flicked towards wondering just what Summer was up to but he argued with himself that he probably didn't want to know. She had been wandering lately into dangerous territory, wanting to try to overthrow their current "government" as it were. Morty wanted nothing to do with such nonsense.

He had worked very hard to stay quiet, stay in the shadows and just generally try not to get in anyone's way. Though, most guards knew who he was and for that reason, kept an extra special watch over him, staying out of trouble mostly helped him avoid too many conflicts with authority.

But it wasn't the sole reason for his sudden withdrawal from the world around him. It wasn't anything spectacularly noble or haughty either. Morty simply didn't have it in him anymore. He'd seen too much, felt too much pain and hurt.

Perhaps, some might wonder if it were due to the loss of his grandfather. His mother certainly had noticed and for the first few months, shrieked at him about it as she downed goblets of wine. Jerry was otherwise disengaged, too busy working his new job to notice anything actually wrong with his son. Jerry was like that, selfish and petty.

Morty didn't have the heart to tell his mother just what an outrageous asshole Rick really was and to point out that he'd left on purpose, just to spite them all. He knew better but why get involved in someone else's hopes and dreams? What good would that do?

And so he sat, staring mindlessly at the TV, wishing god, for once, that his mind would just finally turn off completely so that he could rest. He willed it to, begged it even.

He wasn't an idiot. He understood the best way to accomplish this was through alcohol and had spent the majority of the first few weeks back on earth searching for Rick's various stashes. Coming up empty, he'd attempted to sneak some from the local grocery store, only to find that most aisles had been cleared out by the authorities. Yes, it appears that not only do they feel they know how to better educate the human children and populace but also what substances and foods would be best for their new pets.

Facing a crisis of identity and on more than one occasion, the restless feeling of emptiness that he just could not numb, Morty had taken to submission in all circumstances. Submit your free will, just don't care and they can't hurt you anymore. Ice over your heart, dull your feelings and do not, do not consider for one moment, the idea of hope or faith. That is a sure way to find disaster real quick.

As a particularly frazzled, older looking human character approached the group of unidentifiable aliens on screen, Morty began to feel the sharp pinpricklings of something in his heart. The man's crazy, graying hair was wild and as he spoke, he waved his arms around erratically. This was clearly some comedy written by those on another planet and the older man meant to be the comedic effect. Still, there was something heartwarming about the character and Morty, damn his efforts, felt his eyes begin to well up with tears.

He angrily wiped them away, cursing his own weakness and reminding himself that there was no one out there waiting for him, or even looking. No one cared about him but him and that was how it was going to stay. Forget him. He forgot you a long time ago.

Morty shut off the television but stayed slumped over just staring at the shiny, black screen as his reflection therein. He quietly listened to the sounds coming from outside, the normal alarms blaring as the authorities were attempting to capture one of his fellow humans who had, no doubt, dared to cross them. He felt empty inside, like a plastic bottle which crumpled easily under an oppressive grip.

The alarms continued followed by screams as Morty's eyes began to grow heavy, despite his erratic sleep cycle and his just waking up. Giving up on anything further being accomplished tonight, Morty slowly made his way up the stairs towards his bedroom, blanket dragging along behind him.

Climbing into his bed, happy to be beneath warm blankets again, he turned to press his face into his pillow, wishing it would suffocate him and end it all.

Against his wishes, his brain began formulating ideas in his head, fantasies that everything would be alright once he woke up in the morning again. Perhaps, his mother would be making pancakes instead of just crying, a drunken mess outside on the lawn. Summer would be back again, smiling as she texted her boyfriend who was absolutely not dead, murdered by those insects. Jerry... perhaps, Jerry would do something useful for once in his life and actually attempt to mend the broken relationship between the two of them.

And there, sitting next to him as always would be Rick, happy for once and full of jokes and smiles. Maybe he'd lean in and whisper conspiratorially in Morty's ear, so only he would hear the best of the best punchlines. They could make plans for exploring some new planets and instead of it being a desperate escape attempt, it'd be something cute and happy.

And maybe he'd smile for once and stand up a little straighter, confident with his place both in the world and at his grandfather's side. No longer worried of being abandoned or feeling like his heart had been ruthlessly ripped from his chest, maybe he would even let out a carefree laugh at some of the jokes.

Morty's eyes grew wet again, his own mind turning against him as the dream like sequence came crashing down on him all at once. The alarms outside his window grew louder, the explosions, the screams.

He moved to cover himself completely in the blankets, burying his face into the fabric of the pillow even deeper. He willed his heart to shut down the erratic, bi-polar like emotions racing through him. Morty began to recite a mantra to himself, over and over as if to bring himself into a trance to escape from the horrors of life once more.

Over and over he told himself, "I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone.", sure that his mantra would be able to save him from the painful thoughts of life itself. "Wake up. Wake up!"


End file.
